It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
