Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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