"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
