I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
