Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel like abortions should bother me more
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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