I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
