Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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