words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
