Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
