There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
