fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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