I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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