Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
