Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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