Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
