I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
