It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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