I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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