yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
