Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
