it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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