im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
