So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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