Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
