be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
