Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
