So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
