i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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