she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm like, not good at living.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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