is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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