Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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