I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
