I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want a musical about memes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
