I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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