My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
