ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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