I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
