Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
