You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
