She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
