I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
