I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i think i just lost a toe
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
