no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
