Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
