a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
