I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
