God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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