my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just invented taco cereal.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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