but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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