I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
