the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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