I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
